It's late, I'm not tired, and I'm thinking........

Well, it's only 11:40, not late, but I'm not tired. I'm in bed thinking..... thinking about a lot of things. Thinking about what we're about to do. Thinking about where we're about to go. Thinking what is about to happen. Thinking about what could happen. Thinking..... Is this crazy? Are we as insane as some people are saying? Or am I just thinking this way because I have most of the big important things out of the way and now have 'time' to sit and think 'these' thoughts. I'm not sure. I wish I knew. What are we doing..... I mean, I know what we're doing, but Gosh, Wow. What if we don't find a home? What if the boys don't like it? What if we get sick? I know the answers to these questions, I've told you all already.... Now it seems I have to remind myself. Is this a natural part of any adventure? I mean, this is a HUGE LIFE CHANGING move we're about to make. I not sure that what I am having is doubts, but I am in a way rethinking. Not rethinking the trip (no no no), but rethinking what could happen. What we would, could, should do if a certain cirumstance arise's.... These are a lot of thoughts and 'what if' questions. Maybe I'm just trying to be prepared. I am prepared, I feel prepared, but maybe not enough? Is this a girl thing, a mother thing? to question and what if so much? Ah, I just don't know. I hate having to think this and come up with 'what if' answers. ('what if' answers are the worst mind-confusing-waste-of-precious-time blunders next to lover's misunderstandings). 'What if we don't find a home' (I ask myself) 'Well', (I tell myself), 'it depends on where we are, and how long we have been travelling' 'yes, but what if' (I ask again) 'well, we re-evaluate where we are and what we want'. A good answer, I've been through this before with myself you see, (I knew what I was going to say before I wrote it!)

At any rate, I honestly, deep down think that no matter where you are in your life, and where you are in your dream, re-evaluating your situation is a vital part of living and dreaming. It is so true. We could find the perfect home in a not perfect place, we could find our perfect place and not a home. We could get sick, we could find a great way of life. We could meet wonderful people and make great friends. We could not. We could a lot of things. And maybe we could not... But in the end, I know we will.

I need something to fill my time. To fill my mind. These thoughts are starting to drive me crazy. Maybe I should pack more boxes....